There's always

...a little truth behind every "just kidding",
...a little knowledge behind every "I don't know",
...a little emotion behind every "I don't care",
...and a little pain behind every "it's okay"..

Hello

So, yeah. Have been MIA-ing for a while. Truth is, at one point I got really uncomfortable with how the internet trespasses almost, if not all, boundaries of privacy. Heck I was even seriously contemplating whether or not to deactivate my FB account. Talk about paranoia. Lol.

There is actually another reason: I seem to always find myself at this never-ending crossroad in life. I don't really know how to explain it but it's like almost every other day I'd wake up feeling moody and insecure cos I don't really know what I want, how I feel, what to think, etc. There's always this ongoing battle inside of me where a part of me is really thankful for all that I have and wants to make the best out of where I am now but these feeling never last cos up came this other evil part of me which is always unsatisfied, hard to please and angry.

:(

I hate feeling this way and I don't want to be feeling this way cos it's eating me up. I don't really like me sometimes. That's why I've gone AWOL cos I didn't think I was in the position to write wtf. I really really hope that this is just a phase.

This is just a phase.
This is just a phase.
This is just a phase.
This is just a phase.
This is just a phase.
This is just a phase.

It should work. Right?

p/s: To my sisters and best friends, sorry I was so detached for quite some time. Promise will make it up to you :)

Today, like any other, has been another could have.

Sorry that I don't write like I used to anymore.

I'm tired. Just so very tired.

And time. I need more time, lotsa time, cos enough never really seem to be enough.

Faith

Of the many emails that I receive, this has got to be my #1 all-time favourite.

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Meet Faith the walking dog

This dog was born on Christmas Eve in the year 2002. He was born with 2 legs - He of course could not walk when he was born. Even his mother did not want him.

His first owner also did not think that he could survive and he was thinking of 'putting him to sleep'.
But then, his present owner, Jude Stringfellow, met him and wanted to take care of him.
She became determined to teach and train this little dog to walk by himself..
She named him 'Faith'..

In the beginning, she put Faith on a surfboard to let him feel the movement.
Later she used peanut butter on a spoon as a lure and reward
for him for standing up and jumping around.
Even the other dog at home encouraged him to walk.
Amazingly, only after 6 months, like a miracle,
Faith learned to balance on his hind legs and to jump to move forward.
After further training in the snow, he could now walk like a human being.

Faith loves to walk around now.
No matter where he goes, he attracts people to him.
He is fast becoming famous on the international scene and
has appeared on various newspapers and TV shows.
There is now a book entitled 'With a Little Faith' being published about him.
He was even considered to appear in one of Harry Potter movies.

In life there are always undesirable things, so in order to feel better
you just need to look at life from another direction.
I hope this message will bring fresh new ways of thinking to everyone
and that everyone will appreciate and be thankful for each beautiful day.
Faith is the continual demonstration of the strength and wonder of life.

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Amazing, isn't it?

If a dog can do it, beating the odds when the impossible was almost impossible, so can we.

So can I!

First 2010 post!

Hey peeps!

Gosh I really did the whole mia thing huh? Sorry because as lame as it sounds, I was actually busy! LOL

Anywayyy guess what greeted me today when I log in to my blog account..........

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......

THIS!!!

Okay, so fine, it's not the exact format plus there's also JieChi's uhm *patronizing* uhm comment. Haha! Jie, I suppose Kelsen means things are or going to be good?

These comments to me are like the holy grail of amateur blogging la! Cos I really didn't expect any other people besides those handful ones to know bout this. *points around* So they (c0mments) really took me by surprise *shy

It's so weird though that all the commentators should go by the pseudonym of 'Anonymous' and that they all appear at this post. But whatever reasons they may be, THANK YOU ALL for the wonderful comments! They really made my day :)))) Cos I've never regarded my posts to be creative or original *sniffs Well obviously it IS original cos they're all my ramblings and heartfelt pour-outs but what I mean is original in the sense of authors/writers' kind of literature originality. Ya know? And! To think that the person who left the last comment actually took the liberty to read my old posts as well....boy I must be really interesting! Haha =D

To all you anonymous-es, please, do leave your names as well in future yeah?

Okay, enough of the comments hooha. Moving on...

You know, Christmas wasn't so bad after all though the days leading up to it were pretty depressing. The KL trip which was suppose to be a relaxing getaway and catching ups with the bestfriends was more like bah humbug. Those well-meaning but annoying aunties just *had* to make me feel so guilty about not joining carolling. Cis. And there's also some....stuff. Sigh.

Anyway here's a couple of photos from the morning service.

Girls I practically grew up with <3

We used to be smaller than him!

Cooked dinner and I'd give it a 7/10 cos the roast was fantastic (and the sauce too!) but the kedegree was an epic fail. Haha! Luckily chicky saved the day cos if not it'll be like disastrous Christmas dinner 101. LOL. Both recipes are from Jamie Oliver's website and can be easily found though I did improvise a bit on the roast. Hehe. So now I present to you....Christmas dinner ala Jamie Oliver plus desserts by the mom:

Goodness in the making.

This is really horrible, even by my standard. Dunno why it turned out like that even though I followed the recipe as closely as possible. Sigh.

The ice-cream cake which isn't really ice-cream cake. It's frozen sponge cake + cream + blueberry filling. Yummerz~

Homemade mango pudding. Classic favourite <3

So yea, that pretty much sums up Christmas for me.

The new semester has started and gosh I hope that I've really learned my lesson this time and buck up! All the more cos I'm starting my fyp this sem. Oh God! Finally confirmed my supervisor and title yesterday and guess what I'm doing! Telecommunications! It's wireless mesh networking with cryptography actually but even now I'm starting to get the jitters already cos I have to learn the C language all over again. And, "cryptography - study and practice of hiding information" does sound intimidating, no?

I think I'll just have to stop here cos the internet has gone mental, again T____T

Short note

Dear memoirsofalifetime.blogspot.com,

Hi, how are you? Sorry for being the lousy negligent owner, again. It's not like I do not have the time to write because really, I've been bumming around doing practically nothing for more than a week already. So, what's my excuse this time round? Sheer laziness? Or perhaps the lack of inspiration? Gosh, I really dunno but heck time flies so fast that at my current stamina it's so hard to keep up.

I have wanted to do a post to wrap up sem 5 but looks like that post is never going to materialize now at this rate wtf. I went to Penang and Singapore and wanted to do posts on my holidays too but hell I don't think they're going to happen as well. But I think I have some photos from Penang up in my draft so I think I shall just publish that later.

12 more days to Christmas and yet again this year I am feeling nothing of the festive season. Heck the Christmas tree in my house is not even up yet. Why is it that as we grow older the significance of Christmas seem to fade? To the extent that Christmas feels like just any other day? I remember I used to be so excited about Christmas; the decorations, the gifts, caroling, family, friends...everything! But this year? I can't help but feel that it's gonna be one of those days again. Sigh.

Do you think that if I psycho myself into believing that this year's Christmas would be a great one it'll really be a great one? *hopeful

xoxo,
Jessy

Some pics from Penang

Saint Xavier Church (I think)

Francis Light Memorial

And I thought only Taiping has beeyootiful trees like this -__-

One of the very few successful shots by Mei Yen haha wtf

By the sea!!! duh obviously -___-

We have a similar one in Taiping too!

Them ang mohs really love their grass

Who'd think that there'd be horses smacked right in the city

I took this shot! Nice~

So many things to blog about yet so little time

(Read: lazy)

An angry girl is a hungry girl

This is what I found in my memo inbox today:

Salam
Syukur alhamdulillah di sini saya ade sedikit perkongsian ilmu..
Dah lama saya terfikir!!! Susah jugak jd perempuan nie semua kena tutup..mesti panas kan dah la kna pakai tudung sehingga menutupi dada , pakai baju labuh , stoking. biar Nampak muka ngn tapak tangan jer Tapi adakah kejadian yang Allah buat nie saje2??? Hmm itulah yang kaum wanita perlu cari jawapan nya banyak hikmah di sebalik tiap apa yang Allah suruh kita buat.. kalau kita tengok kenapa wanita di suruh di tutup sebegitu dan di larang memakai pakaian yang menampakkan susuk badan, ini semua kerana apabila kaum lelaki melihat mereka, kaum lelaki tidak ternaik nafsu atau keghairahannya..
Tapi kalau kita lihat kaum wanita zaman sekarang, hanya berapa kerat sahaja yang betul2 menutup aurat mereka..mungkin ada di antara mereka tidak tahu ataupun mereka saja2 x mahu ambil kisah akan hukum2 yang Allah telah tetapkan. Nauzubillah.. Penulis lihat situasi di ump ramai kaum wanita yang x pakai tudung dan setokin.Maybe mereka rasa benda nie simple atau kaum lelaki x pandang ke rambut dan kaki mereka..Jangan langgar ketetapan Allah.Jika Allah tetapkan begitu maka begitulah kita kena buat..InsyaAllah jika kita ikut apa yang Allah suruh dan tinggal apa yang Allah larang insyaAllah kita akan mendapat keredhaan Allah..Memang agak susah jika sentiasa kna pakai stokin..setiap kali nk kluar bilik kna pakai stokin..saya x nafikan tetapi semua ini atas kehendak Allah.. Jika kita rasa diri kita ini hebat maka langgarlah perintah Allah ini InsyaAllah bala akan menanti..Memang kita boleh kata dr dulu lagi kita x pakai stokin tapi x de ape2 bala pun..Tapi kita kena ingat dugaan yang Allah bagi bukan buat masa sekarang sahaja tapi masa depan kita..mungkin juga akan kena pada anak cucu kita
Justeru itu para sahabat2 sekalian..mari lah kita muhasabah diri kita balik.. di sini saya sertakan pantun tuk pembaca2 sekalian..


Perempuan pakai mini sekerat,
suka pakai baju ketat,
suka pula menunjukkan pusat,
hingga x pedulikan lagi batasan aurat,
pakai pulak yang sendat2,
kadang-kadang Nampak yang tersirat,
x kira bujur x kira bulat,
bila dah macam 2, sape lihat pasti tercegat,
bila dah tercegat, silap gaya jadi gawat,
bila dah jd gawat, bosia bohjan lagi dahsyat,
duduk jauh berkirim surat,
bila berjumpa tangan berjabat,
pas2 pakat lawan peluk erat2,
mse 2 nafas naik tersekat-sekat,
usah di pedulilah agama dan adat,
usah di takuti Allah dan malaikat,
yang penting apa kita nak buat kita buat,
akhirnya bila dah buat perut kempis jadi bulat,
bila perut kempis jadi bulat, maka tunggulah lahir anak yang x ckp sifat,
maka kita akan lihat bayi dibuang merata tempat,
bila bayi dibuang merata tempat, maknanya iblis ketika itu mula melompat,
pas2 iblis berkata habis manusia dah msk jerat,
habis manusia telah tersesat,
Inilah dia fenomena masyarakat,
Oleh itu wahai saudara saudari dan para sahabt,
Marilah kita pakat mengingat,
Bahawa dunia hari ini semakin singkat,
Esk atau lusa kita mungkin akan menghadapi hari kiamat,
Sampailah masa kita semua akan berangkat,
Berangkat menuju ke Negara akhirat,
Disana kita akan ditanya apa yang kita buat ,
Masa itu sendiri mau ingat,
Umur mu banyak mana mu beribadat,
Zaman muda mu apa yg telah mu buat,
Harta benda anta dr mne anta dapat,
Ilmu anta adakah anta manfaat,
Semoga ia dapat mengingatkan kita supaya meninggalkan maksiat,
Dan memperbanyakkan ibadat serta banyakkan bertaubat.

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WTF is this???!!! Are you trying to say that it's women's fault that you can't keep your stick in your pants??!! Bloody shit! Then I suppose you very well don't deserve to be called a man! Not even fit to be called an animal cos at least animals know to court/woo before mating. And please, you can take your self-righteousness and shove it up your ass! Who knows....people like you are the very ones who jerk off to pornos when they think no one is watching. GTH la you!

What utter rubbish! Brr~

*****

Shorties...a mishmash of everything!

At the rate my hair is dropping, I'd be so bladdy bald soon! Can't say it's the stress, though it should very much be seeing that my finals is in few days time, cos I'm as relaxed as ever -__- Food perhaps? Or maybe I'm using the wrong shampoo? But I'm using Asience le...supposedly specially formulated for Asian. Brr!

*****

Should I move to wordpress? Cos they have that password protect function and also emoticons to choose from....

*****

I find myself to be much happier when I surround myself with people whom I love and sharing their happy instead of concentrating on my sappy woes. I guess you can really find happiness when you take the focus off yourself ;)

*****

I've had three wonderful meals last week- beef fajitas, steamboat and seafood marinara. Yums! A little bit the overindulging but it's been such a long time I've had such nice meals so I suppose it's okay. Hehe. But now have to ikat perut la ;p

*****

I can't believe it's only less than 3 weeks before the semester break starts! Can't wait can't wait!

*****

Who else is going to be my teman to church next sem, now that Janice is going off for her industrial training? Haih like I need any more reasons to feel awkward... T__T

*****

I am so so salivating over these dresses!!! Want. Them. All.

*****

And last but not least...

Crazy little thing called LOVE

How do you know you're in love?

Is it the warm fuzzy feeling you get which sends a tingle up your spine whenever you think of that person? Or perhaps when you know you're trying too damn hard to maintain your cool when actually you're dying for that person to notice you?

And how do you know if a person is into you? Is there a guide as to how to pick up the signs? Haih but being such a blur case in 'signal reception' doesn't help much >.<"

At this point I dunno if I am ready for it, or ever will.


But you know, it's really tiring playing this whole cat and mouse game.

And then it dawned upon her

Sheesh! It didn't occur to me that yesterday was my last day of lectures until I was on the bus back to Gambang! Not that I'm not happy or anything...in fact I am ECSTATIC!! Woots no more bbooorrriinnggg classes =D

HOLIDAY HERE I COME!!!

Am so looking forward to it and gosh I think I need to come up with a holiday plan quick!

Oh shoots. I forgot momentarily bout the finals part -___-

What's this *points around* supposed to be

So what's this *points around again* supposed to be is a journal to channel my frustration, anger and whatever negativity which cannot/hard to show to people- because no matter how much people like to ask how are you blablabla all they really hope to hear is "I'm fine thank you how about you" so that they can drone on and on about what-nots which is the very reason they start that conversation.

Which is why, in the very beginning almost no ones knows of the existence of this 'personal' space. I like the term personal space better cos I feel that 'blog' is too commercialized even though nothing is personal on the net *shrugs. So back to what I was saying, over time I began to open up a little. But! what it seem to have only done is restrict myself even more from letting my thoughts flow freely and is now reduced to boring what-I-dids. It has made me very self-conscious on what I write, how I write because I am just scared of what people think of me. What if I'm not exactly what they have thought me to be?! Gosh I dunno man. It's not like I am pretending or anything...just that you know how people like to paint those nice, quaint little pictures of you and thinks that you are still like that little girl in that picture when clearly you have overgrown that little girl? Why is everyone so critical? Sigh.

I am not happy and I am not gonna lie about that. Been angry, sad, frustrated and disappointed for a while and prolly still will go on for a while. Why is it so hard for me to be happy when all this while I have always been labeled as the happy-go-lucky one? Oh right, please refer to the above. I always get a lot of those motivational emails from Uncle Millan and Gabriel and all always say the same thing- that happiness is when you are able look beyond the imperfections, or something along the line. It's not like I do not have enough (in fact I'm blessed with more than enough) but there's always this kind of melacholy which keeps on tugging at my heart. And sometimes I am so pulled down by it that all I wanna do is to hide in a corner and cry for what it's worth. Tired and drained, unmotivated, listless, without passion.... and I do not know what to do.

Well, this semester's ending in exactly a month time and that's something to look forward to. In the meanwhile wish me luck as I continue to find my happy.

How my blog almost became a forgotten love child

Assignments, reports and my MicroC project have been and still are creeping up T___T Can't wait for the end of this semester but at the same time sssooooo not looking forward to the impending finals! Argh! Fuck this shit!

So it's been quiet around lately and to show that I do still have a life.....here are some going-ons a little before raya till now.

Surprise birthday cake for Nabilah at the beach! Hence the surprised reaction. Duh, obviously -.-

Met up with the girls during the raya break. It was lovely and how I wish all of us are near each other so that we can do this more often. The other day I chatted a while to Rachel on msn and it made me realise how much I've missed her that it makes me wanna cry T___T But! But! But!!! Plans are already on the way to meet again this year end I am so excited I can't wait cos by then Lydia and Shirley would be around too!

Bunny Koko drove us a whole freaking hour to this kelong place for seafood when I went to JB last raya break. And it's not even that nice -.-" But I enjoyed the journey though cos we had to pass by the industrial area and I saw Titan! Damn impressive wei.

Say hello to Nicky and Celion! My godnephew and niece! You do no know what monster really is until you've met them. Naughty is such an understatement. *shudders at memories

Cute fishies at the kelong restaurant! It's so funny cos whenever anyone stands in front of the aquarium they'd all come hurdling to the front. Haha!

Caged monkeys. How it wraps its young tightly, protecting it from the peering eyes and chilly night really touched me. If only all the mothers in the world are like this... So if next time anyone asks what is good parenting you can say, "Mun-keh!" wtf

Went to this really nice art cafe with the randomest of randoms decors. I love their quirky and unique designs and the fact that it's in an old nyonya like shophouse adds to its plus point! Highly recommended for romantic chillaxing night outs cos the cosy ambience and nice jazz/bossa nova (think Lina Ono) playing in the background really sets the mood. Ahh if only I have a special someone to share it with... Snap out of it yo!

Saw this really interesting bicycle man hanging on the ceiling in front of a bicycle shop. What a smart way to advertise huh! The dummy is even cycling!

RM2 sushi with coursemates! Okay not really cos it's civil meet E&E. Lol. Cleared a grand total of 91 plates and we E&E peeps beat them by 1 plate! ONE!!!

Finally tried out the kononnya famous nasi dagang in Kuantan. First heard of it from Uncle Millan and after some googling (as in google-ing, geddit?), voila~~ Nasi Dagang Ubai peeps!

Wow my life damn happening hor?!

Okay back to vhdl now o->--<

Hello everybuddy! It's been so long since I last posted something substantial because I am always either A)lazy, B)busy or C)lazy wtf

But seriously, this week has been one hell of a week what with everyday being an endless string of assignments/projects/reports. No thanks to my being a world class procrastinator during my 2 weeks break T___T

Been sleeping an average of 4 hours each day so tgi Friday! Cos I don't have classes on Fridays hence I get to catch up on my beauty sleep =D

So anywayyy everything's pretty much monotonous because on days when I have to go to Pekan for lectures by the time I'm back in Gambang I'd be half sleep-walking. Why the stupid university wants us to go there to study even though the whole construction is not done yet baffles me. Just my luck that my faculty and mech eng faculty kena T___T

For the past few days I've had to take the 6ish bus and then come back around 5/6 pm. Rest, dinner and then homework until 2/3 am. It's a vicious cycle everyday *pouts Why am I so ke lian?

Ok so maybe this post isn't very substantial after all cos I'm gonna just stop abruptly here cos it's almost 4.30 am and I'm tired.

At least you know I'm still alive and kicking wtf

Goodnight everybuddy!

Wedding Gift