hop in and enjoy the ride

I finally got a new mouse

....And oh boy does it feel so damn good to be able to execute in just one click. Hehe.

I is one happy girl =D

So...my roomies and I went out today. Didn't buy much but my purchases are enough to burn a hole in my pocket >.<

New blue mouse = RM 19
Shampoo+Conditioner+HairTreatment+HairSerum = RM 72
Ear-rings for Yaso = RM 5
(since I lost one side of the one she borrowed me)
Handphone accessory = RM 3 (Hello Kitty!)
Wax = RM 31.90
Groceries = RM 41.65
Nail polish remover = RM 6.50

Damage = RM 179.05!!!

And that's not inclusive of lunch and drinks.

Walau eh. Luckily I didn't find any clothes or shoes which I like. Otherwise...I dare not even think about it. *shudders* But the hair products are really a steal la cos they're 50% off. How not to buy right?

*Turns to serious mode (read: emo)*

Ahem.

So yea...I think I'm beginning to see the light on why I'm here. Like really. Maybe?

We were discussing in cg last night on why sometimes when we pray, God didn't answer. I can't exactly remember who said what but anyway...one said it's all in God's timing and how much faith we have. Another that maybe what we prayed for is not in God's plans. Yet another how practical our prayer is. As in we can't be asking for a Ferrari when all we can afford is a Kancil. In this case maybe a secondhand one since Kancil is no more in production ;p You get the drift.

Anyway back to what I was saying...

Then Evelyn (I think) said how our prayers are unanswered sometimes because more often than not our prayers are always about me, I and myself and how it's always I want this I want that. There were few sharings and bla bla bla and to cut the story short, it kinda hit me when someone said that God is actually giving us what we asked for. Just that it is in another way instead of the usual conventional straight way.

For example, we ask God to grant us patience. What better way is there than to learn how to be patient through tough times?

And then, we ask God for good grades in exams. How la are we going to get the good grades when after we pray we do nothing about it but expect God to just bless us with it. Then we didn't get the grades we asked for but did atrociously. And we blame God for it. Why, when we pray we fail to see that God is actually answering us; by blessing us the 'factors'. In this case, good memory, alertness, good health and fair examiner. How can we expect God to help us when we ourselves didn't do anything to help ourselves? To let God help us? He has provided the way but if we didn't take the first step towards that way we could never achieve what we had prayed for.

Someone gave a good anecdote imo. Lets say A is always praying for B to receive Christ but one day B died. A then got angry and ask God,

"Why did You let B die when B haven't receive Christ?"

God answered, "Why didn't YOU share the good news with B when I have provided you with so many opportunities?"

B is dead. And B can never ever be saved. So don't you think that A is kinda accountable for it? Cos A never grab the chances and now it's too late?

Okay I know I'm very long-winded but what I'm trying to say is that the same thing applies to me (and all of us).

I have always prayed for God to lead me in His way and that I want to be like Jesus. After Form 6, I prayed to get good results for my STPM and to study a good course in a good university. I had hoped that I would study something bio or business related in Singapore.

Alas, the unexpected happened.

I did miserably for STPM and I didn't get into any of the Sg unis though my SMU application result still remain a mystery up till today but I assumed I didn't get in. Instead, I was offered a Degree in Electrical and Electronics Engineering in UMP. Major WTF sia.

I can still remember clearly how I felt when the results came in. A mixture of relief, disappointment, shock and gratefulness. Oh the horrors! Relieved and grateful that I got into a uni. Shock and disappointed that I got a Physics course in a 'God forsaken land'. Metaphorically speaking of course.

I was a bio student and I hated Physics. I looked up too highly of myself. I was too proud that I am a straight A SPM student hence I didn't put in enough effort for STPM. I have always envisioned myself to be all cool and enjoying my uni days in style.

But my dreams came crashing down when reality hit me.

I am now already into the 3/4 of my second year in UMP. I am not cool (read: sociable) and neither am I clubbing and partying my uni days away. I do not even have any specific group of close friends (like Mandy and co). In conclusion, I am not 'having the time of my life', in my own definition.

HOWEVER, I now begin to see the whys to my questions. God is teaching me to be humble like Jesus just as I have requested by putting me in an almost unknown uni. Most, if not all, of the people here are not the kind I usually hang out with. That's lesson #1. I am taken out of my comfort zone and forced to adapt to my new surroundings.

Lesson #2, I am actually drawing nearer to God cos I AM going to church and stuff here. If I had not gone to church at all during my few months in Sg, what more if I were to be there for few years? I think I would have strayed away cos I am so attracted to the appeals of city life.

Lesson #3, I had prayed for God to give me a course He thinks is most suitable for me. He gave me E&E. And after much deliberation, I am not very sure yet but by His grace I will excel in it. So actually it's ME who asked for it.

Lesson #3, I learn to be proud that I am a UMP student. This is a humbling experience because practically nobody heard of it before and I have to explain what and where it is to everyone who asks. Then they would give me the 'owh....oh-kay' look. It was embarrassing to do that in the beginning but now I'm actually quite happy to explain to those who ask ;p

Lesson #4, I brought all these onto myself. Should I have not been so overconfident but be hardworking in Form 6, I would have been in a better place than now. Just like what I said earlier. We must walk the talk. Take actions after praying.

There are many more lessons but these are all I can think of for now.

Haha I know I sound like I'm regretting lots of things but I am actually very glad and thankful I am here (minus those annoying people and moments sometimes LOL).

I am thankful because I got to know some really nice and genuine people like Sew Heang, Yasohtha, Lih Yin, Janice, Zeno and Mr Hunt. I really treasure them cos they're simple and sincere people, unlike the many many two-faced bitches and bastards out there who always want to step on you.

I am thankful because I learn to appreciate the small and simple things in everyday life, and can see more clearly how blessed I am.

I am thankful because I am studying what deemed to others as a very good and professional course though I beg to differ in the case of the lecturers. LOL. I still think that so far only En Nik fits the 'lecturer' title. I'm not saying that just cos I like him ok.

I am thankful because I can live more comfortably financial wise since I got PTPTN and tuition fee is very cheap compared to elsewhere. Besides, the benefactors (read: parents and sisters) have been very generous. Hooray to more allowance!

So in conclusion, be careful of what you pray for. ROFLMAO!

No no, what I actually mean is that even though what we pray for is not answered (you think) doesn't mean that God is not answering. Maybe yes in certain cases but most of the time we should look at our surroundings to really realise that God IS actually answering us. Just not the kind of answer we expect but in God's own special way.

Okay I think I'm just gonna stop here. It's been a really long post eh.

Thank you for actually bothering to read this =)