hop in and enjoy the ride

Gosh, so many kinds of emotions has been going on in me that I just don't know what to feel and how to react. And just recently, I confirmed that I have...erm...don't exactly know how to describe it but it's like whenever I read something (novels, news, etc) half of my mind seems to still be in hibernate mode O.O

Geez what's wrong with me man? Cos I just don't seem to really register what I'm reading at any period of time. It's just as though I've put myself in reading mode but my mind is unwilling. It just kinda drifts off unconsciously and then I'll snap from it after a while and I won't get what I was reading. And then there are also times when I read just for the sake of reading without actually taking in what I'm reading.

This is really scary. It makes me feel as though I'm stupid and I have lousy memory :(

What am I to do??!! I don't wanna be stupid =(((

It must be all those boring electric text books' fault.

At times like this, I'll be all emo and really hate myself.

Cos up till now I still cling on to this little flicker of hope that somehow someday my life will change for the better. Kinda like at the snap of fingers.

Sigh...yes I know I sound really pathetic and you know what? I just don't care anymore. It sucks real much to feel as though you're one, if not many, steps behind personal development. everybody has moved on. Moved on to greener pastures. But old me is still neither here nor there.

Does this mean that I'm coveting my neighbour?

It's always easier to say that one wants to be motivated, to change for the better. But when it comes to the action part, nothing sorta happens. Strange, isn't it how sometimes human works.

I think I'm now in the phase where I'm actually suppose to be maybe 10 years ago but somehow the hormones in me got confused and thus the state I am now. Can life get more tragic?

Apparently yes. Provided if I'm diagnosed with some kind of disease or I lose a body part (God forbid!). But the thing is, I do KNOW where to turn to but the tenacity, or should I say the pigheaded, in me just refuse to do so!!!

This is just so frustrating!

I guess I really need to count my blessings instead of always concentrating on the bad and being negative.