hop in and enjoy the ride

It's the eve of CNY. And yet I'm feeling nothing of the festivity. No surprise.

I'm beginning to wonder if God's testing my family.
It all started late last year when papa suddenly called me during class (Eng Lab III, to be precise) to say that (Golden Hill) ah ma's going for colonoscopy due to cancer of the colon.
Then just before Christmas, (Sing Kang)ah kong sorta went a lil bit senile and was bedridden for a while due to low blood sugar and organ failure.
And this year just as school was starting, mom fell down and had multiple fractures on her left elbow.
She's on leave for 3 months.
Another 6 months before she can pick up the racket again.
And just yesterday, mom revealed that the same ah ma has got bone cancer.

And if you think that's all you're wrong T.T

(Golden hill) Ah ma has accepted Christ. Hallelujah Amen!!! The problem now is that she's staying with my uncle and this particular uncle is somehow very anti-Christian. For what reason, I don't know. He does know about my grandma's wish to be baptized before she passes on but just last week he got all fired up when he got to know about it again. You guessed it, things aren't pretty but we try to maintain the harmony (?).

It's really great that ah ma has accepted Christ. I hope that her faith will only grow stronger amidst the pain she is going through. You know something? I used to really dislike her for all the mean things she's done but seeing her now, I actually feel sorry for her. If I were in her shoes, I think I would have committed suicide cos bone cancer hurts very very very much. Mom says that drugs aren't really working on her. Neither is her chemotherapy. And she's shrinking! Sometimes it hurts so bad that she shivers and cry. Fastest is half a year and it might drag on for a few years, if you get what I mean. And this is barely her first month.

Why her? Why is there such a painful incurable sickness? No one deserves to be tormented like that surely no matter who they are.

And now I think I'm also gonna die of cancer. My papa's side especially, has a long history of cancer. I'm scared. Very very scared. I just hope that when (if) it's my turn, it'll be quick and as painless as possible.

This is gonna be an uneventful CNY.

Shalom!